The Coaching Relationship

The Executive Coaching Relationship

By Joseph Scott of The Coaching Room

Coaching is often misunderstood, most often! To this end, I am aiming to give a rambling, yet comprehensive, overview of the coaching relationship (between coach and coachee), its functionality and purpose.

The coaching relationship is designed to be an intimate one, based on trust, honesty, equality and love, though for some, you may prefer the label, unconditional positive regard.

The coaching relationship is about the coachee, it is also about the coach and it is also about the organisation that the coachee works for. All of this sounds fundamental as I write this - yet it is most often overlooked.

Coaching is a mutual commitment to the coaching process in service of the coachee. Coaching is a safe space where coach and coachee share together, individual and collective interiors. From here coach and coachee co-create, share and explore the coaching needs and objectives as they hold a rare and authentic ‘we’ space, in service of the coachee's desired outcomes and their New Way of Being (NWOB).

Next, we'll look at the functionality of the coaching relationship.

There are several functions for coaching; the primary one is having conversations that enables coach and coachee to meet each other at the very heart of the coachee's Current Way of Being (CWOB) and doing. We explore their thinking, feeling, understandings and perspectives; We call this your way of ‘seeing’. Of yourself, others and the world.

The functionality of coaching is also about looking at the coachee's current behaviours and communicating around specific or general experiences (out there); their way of ‘going’ through the world.

Thirdly, the functionality of coaching is about how the coachee shows up with ‘others’ and their ‘environments’ physically and emotionally. It is about their shared actual interactions and collective connections. We call this your way of ‘checking’ - how you check out yourself and your results.

This enables us to fully understand the coachee's integrated current way of dealing (or thinking/feeling, interacting and moving) with and through their personal and professional life. (yes, we get personal!)

Along with the functionality of coaching, are the types of conversations that are available to you to help you actualise the very best 'you' - in your chosen coaching topic.

There are numerous contexts or coaching conversations that you can have, we’d like to share just six of the most utilised conversations from our experience.

We can have a coaching conversation for the exploration of clarity. To explore, discover, causes, drivers, symptoms etc.(that arise internally) with regards to an external event. This allows you time to think out loud, to help you really see the reality of your situation.

We can have a coaching conversation for making decisions and or commitments. This conversation is about exploring the pros and cons with a focus on motivation and usually leads to some form of decision and commitment being realised.

We can have a coaching conversation about planning and implementation, to help you co-create and take effective action on a strategy or game plan, in line with your desired way of being and doing, seeing and checking.

We can have a conversation that helps you to embody, feel and incorporate into your neurology a new skill or role. We can have a conversation that helps you translate the knowing into your body - this is called a mind to muscle conversation for accelerated ‘doing’.

We can have a coaching conversation about transformation. This is an extremely powerful conversation, one that can alter, add or eliminate toxic and unhealthy thinking and doing, it can also change and empower your thinking, beliefs and even your sense of identity.

The last (sixth type of conversation) type of conversation we can have is the confrontation for accountability conversation, which offers a space to address an unpleasant or challenging issue. This tuype of conversation will enable you to be held accountable for doing what you say you are going to do, or to enable you to hold others in this space. It is about resolving conflict internally or out there, with others.

Finally, the purpose of coaching.

There is a widely held corporate theory (or unspoken assumption) that if you are in coaching, then you need fixing, you are falling behind or not good enough.

The actual truth of it is the exact opposite. Coaching is for health people that are not broken! Coaching is premium octane fuel for a high performance output.

Coaching is about unleashing and actualising your greatest and highest potentials, it is about supporting you as you reach further and father than you have ever reached before.

So, if coaching is for you, make sure you hold your coach accountable to being clear about the coaching relationship (between coach and coachee), its functionality and purpose.

Radiantly, Joseph